Atkins Nutritionals proudly announced today that it has successfully signed King Shamir Shabazz as it’s new spokesperson, winning the much publicized and very heated bidding war with the South Beach Diet Partnership. Currently serving as the head of the Philadelphia chapter of the New Black Panther Party, Shamir is famous for his vehement hatred...
In a shocking speech this afternoon, President Barack Obama announced that his stance on illegal immigration and the status of non-citizens in this country had reversed and “that he had no idea what he was thinking before.” According to his statement the following changes by the Federal Government take effect immediately: Formation of a...
Knifework.net was present today at the Board of Directors meeting for D.E.A.T.H (Dick’s Energy and Arms Trade Holdings) where the results of its recent “Operation Spring Awakening” were discussed. A massive plan involving the use of its chairperson Dick Cheney’s diving and detonation skills, propaganda, and strategic short selling via its securities division, Spring...
Dear Amy, Due to the incompetency of others, I recently lost my job of 30 years and now I don’t know what to do! As Senator, serving others has been my life’s passion. I fear that nothing can possibly compare to the accomplishment one feels when voting ‘yes’ or ‘no’ on a piece of...
With the recent retirement of Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens, speculation has been rampant as to who President Obama will nominate as his successor. Knifework.net has been lucky enough to glean information from insiders in the Obama administration and elsewhere and has prepared a list of those who appear to be the leading...
What would normally be a peaceful Sunday morning in Portland, Oregon was shattered by the sound of Converse All-Stars pounding the pavement in unison. “You better, you better, you’d better not take their Grandma’s sweater!” was the chant as a sea of hipsters shuffled slowly in protest of the new economic sanctions against Iran...
I run the risk of alienating some of my conservative readers with this post, but sometimes the right does something so absolutely monstrous…so execrable, hideous and downright repugnant…that I can not allow it to go unchecked. I am speaking, of course, about this video (if you haven’t yet watched it, I will pause for a...
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