Ego
Tea Party Activists Demand More From President
Tea Party activists nationwide are disappointed with President Barack Obama’s first year in office, and are demanding a better second year.
Organizer Jane Lastkall of the Vermouth, Wisconsin Tea Party group said, “He starts all of his speeches off with a history lesson, but then chases off talking about economic growth or national defense. We want more teaching.”
Indeed, speech analysis experts from the Department of Homeland Security Speech Research Office have concluded that Mr. Obama often spends less than 80% of a given speech informing his audience of the flaws manifested by American history, culture, and institutions.
“It’s like he’s teasing us, not letting us know what the country is really like,” Lastkall said.
A White House spokesman who declined to be indentified said, “I’m Robert Gibbs, and I believe Mr Obama has made it clear that he’s spent several minutes thinking about American history, and signed up for a class on it in college.”
Given that solid background, how much of Mr. Obama’s history lesson shortfall is really his fault, and how much is he judging the ability of his audience to comprehend even the simplest of topics? Kanye Herme, Vice President of Marketing for the Council on Foreign Relations, a shadowy Washington group specializing in world domination, said Obama is performing exactly as he should. “Let me just say he totally deserved that Peace Prize over that stupid Iranian girl the protesters killed. But in his first year, the groundwork he’s laying for his first few terms is about what you’d want. Given the history he inherited, that’s unprecedented, I think. ”
Mr. Obama took office immediately after his predecessor, George W. Bush, who only served two terms.
Still, Lastkall is unconvinced. “Long-term planning is fine, but I’m sure he knows more than he’s letting on. That shy reluctance to speak about himself is really going to hurt him in the long run. If only he could give a couple of speeches that were history lessons from start to finish, I think we could drop this whole Tea Party thing altogether.”
Michelle Obama Undertakes Bold Campaign Against Obesity, Encounters Uphill Battle
Michelle Obama is actively trying to convince Americans to get a handle on overweight children, but remains unable to wrap her arms around her husband’s overblown ego.
“It is very trying,” the First Lady tells Knifework News. “His obese psyche is really getting out of control. I have tried to put Barack on a healthy diet of economic reports, Gitmo prisoner lists and derailed healthcare legislation, but all he ever wants to eat are the polling data Rahm brings over.”
Other foods that are a favorite of the President include pork, small businesses and taxpayer money.
Mrs. Obama has good cause to worry. Corpulent Ego is a very dire condition that can lead to, among other things, a one-term presidency and an ill-advised sex tape.
“Oh, God!,” exclaimed Mrs. Obama. “Sometimes I think Barry is even worse than John Edwards!”
The First Lady relayed to us that her husband-in-chief once got his head stuck in the bathroom door. According to her, he had stood in front of the mirror for around two hours “practicing that self-righteous smirk of his.” It required 8 Secret Service agents and a carpenter to free him.
The President’s giant ego is understandably taking a toll on the family. At one point during our interview, Mrs. Obama buried her face in her hands and burst into tears.
“Millions of children suffer from obesity,” she said between ragged sobs. “But every single person on the planet is suffering because of my husband’s fat head.”

