In a shocking speech this afternoon, President Barack Obama announced that his stance on illegal immigration and the status of non-citizens in this country had reversed and “that he had no idea what he was thinking before.” According to his statement the following changes by the Federal Government take effect immediately: Formation of a...
Dear Amy, I have become increasingly frustrated with my job over the past several months, due to so called ‘emergencies’ constantly interrupting my vacations and golf lessons. In talking with my wife, I discovered that she wrote to you a few weeks ago, and after doing so, felt much better about her problems. So...
Knifework.net learned today from it’s exclusive Hollywood contacts that President Obama has ordered last minute changes to the remake of the 80′s classic “The Karate Kid”. The original movie features the story of a young boy who through sacrifice, hard work, humility and knowledge overcomes not only his tormentors but his own fear. Once...
A journey that was hindered by many setbacks, including golf outings and fundraisers, is finally over today as the one known as The One arrived on the shores of the Gulf of Mexico. Accompanied by his devoted press corp, Barack H. Obama greeted all with warm handshakes and arrogant smirks. The excitement here has...
In what appears to be a much needed pick-me-up in light of continuously sinking poll numbers, President Obama today awarded himself the first official Medal of Courageous Restraint for his valiant inaction in the face of the catastrophic BP oil spill off the coast of Louisiana. In an intimate ceremony, hastily organized immediately following...
Today President Obama signed the $867 billion dollar Maritime Shipping Stabilization Act of 2010, a package of direct currency infusion, low-interest loans, infrastructure building, and military aid. Drafted and introduced in the House one month ago by Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA), the bill is designed to improve the living conditions of the Somali fisherman who have had to...
With the recent retirement of Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens, speculation has been rampant as to who President Obama will nominate as his successor. Knifework.net has been lucky enough to glean information from insiders in the Obama administration and elsewhere and has prepared a list of those who appear to be the leading...
Just after the announcement of the TLC channel’s new eight-part miniseries called “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”, MSNBC today said it will air a similar series highlighting the wonderful aspects of life in Barack Obama’s home country of Kenya. The twenty-part miniseries will be produced by Michael Moore and each episode will be preceded with a...
Ticker tape, confetti and balloons irrevocably damaged the environment today as celebratory parades were held around to the world to honor U.S. President and baseball enthusiast Barack Obama. Mr. Obama has succeeded where all other non-deities have failed. He has achieved World Peace. Perhaps the only thing more astonishing than this grand accomplishment is the simplicity...
Capping off his year long campaign against the United States of America, our great leader has finally seized his prize: America’s vast, untapped oil deposits. As most of his followers rejoice, there remain pockets of resistance. These fringe groups are undeniably made up largely of racists and homophobes. “I thought Obama was an environmentalist!,” shrieked Greenpeace director, Phil...
Today President Obama signed the bill that many have pushed for in recent weeks: SIN, or the Shift Into Neutral bill. The bill passed with bipartisan support but was often overlooked in a legislative session that has been dominated by rancor over health care reform. After seeing the horrible carnage wrought upon America in...
Minutes after giving a speech in Port-Au-Prince titled “Free Markets for Free Countries: Why Government Intervention Hurts Rather Than Helps,” Joe Biden found himself stranded in Haiti, a man without a country. The White House refused to comment on the speech, but an unnamed source called the speech “The last straw.” Reportedly, senior officials were not...
What would normally be a peaceful Sunday morning in Portland, Oregon was shattered by the sound of Converse All-Stars pounding the pavement in unison. “You better, you better, you’d better not take their Grandma’s sweater!” was the chant as a sea of hipsters shuffled slowly in protest of the new economic sanctions against Iran...
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