baby daddy

I am from North Carolina, so I feel obligated.

So there is a rumor going around that John Edwards has proposed to his baby’s momma.

I don’t particularly like rumors, so I am here to set the story straight.  John Edwards is absolutely-100%-without-a-doubt engaged to Rielle Hunter.  Allow me to provide my concrete evidence below:

  • Consider the source.  The National Enquirer may just be a supermarket aisle junk rag, marketed to lonely, middle-aged housewives who only buy the drivel in order to keep up with which soap starlet got impregnated by which sleezeball this week, but they are damned good at it.  Besides, no respectable media outlet is remotely concerned with Edwards anymore, so they are all we’ve got.
  • Rielle Hunter is just stupid enough to say yes. There are not many women in this country dumb enough to marry John Edwards now.  She just might be.  How many women do you know that would sleep with a married man, lie for him, have his baby, claim another man as the father, move in with the stunt daddy and his family, then drive 3000 miles to California with them while the real father goes on national TV to smear her and the newborn babe?  Ok, granted.  A lot.  But she was supporting John Edwards for President, so I still submit her lack of rational thought as exhibit B.
  • He denies it.  As history has taught us numerous times, everything John Edwards says is a lie.  Had  Edwards released a statement saying that he and Ms. Hunter were getting married in the Bahamas next week, I would have rightly assumed that he was traveling to Mexico with a gay lover.

In conclusion, there should no longer be any doubt in anyone’s mind that John Edwards is marrying Rielle Hunter.  There should also no longer be anyone that cares.

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