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Author Archive
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KNIFEWORK.NET IS HIRING!*
Posted on August 12, 2010 | No CommentsAre you a political nerd with a sense of humor that has way too much time on his or her hands and just so happens to be starved for attention and fame and thinks that you might find either writing for this website? Are you... -
EXPOSED: Democrats are the Party of Rapism
Posted on July 16, 2010 | No CommentsProgressive rule has been, by all White House accounts, a resounding success. Despite this, Democrats are bracing for a very unforgiving election this November. How can this be, many in the party are asking themselves. The answer is simple. They just can not shake the... -
Elena Kagan: A Breath of Fresh Air
Posted on July 1, 2010 | 2 CommentsIn an age where we feel the need to classify everyone and everything, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan is refreshingly different. Thurgood Marshall was the first black Supreme Court Justice. Clarence Thomas was the second, although he doesn’t really count since he was nominated by... -
Longest-Serving Senator Vows to Continue His Work
Posted on June 28, 2010 | 1 CommentFollowing his death this morning, Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV) released a statement assuring his constituents that he would continue to work on their behalf from beyond the grave. “Not even the Grim Reaper will keep me from funneling billions in federal tax dollars to my home state,”... -
After Pilgrimage to Gulf Miracles Performed
Posted on May 28, 2010 | No CommentsA journey that was hindered by many setbacks, including golf outings and fundraisers, is finally over today as the one known as The One arrived on the shores of the Gulf of Mexico. Accompanied by his devoted press corp, Barack H. Obama greeted all with... -
Knifework Tech Review: The iSlam
Posted on May 18, 2010 | No CommentsRisking raids on our homes and offices (alright, it’s the same thing), knifework.net has been able to get our hands on the brand new portable device set to take the world by storm. We are talking, of course, about the iSlam. Sporting a sleek, compact... -
Left Confounded Over Tea Party Coverage
Posted on April 16, 2010 | No CommentsHordes of disgruntled Americans took to the streets yesterday, participating in Tea Party rallies across the nation. The aftermath has left progressives scratching their heads. “I just don’t get it,” mumbled political science professor Jim Hendrickson as he paced around his current place of employment,... -
Everything is Better Auto-tuned
Posted on April 11, 2010 | No CommentsMy internet-fu is sometimes suspect, so I may be late to the party on this one. But if you have not yet seen these videos, you are missing what is quite possibly the most awesome thing on YouTube: Auto-tune the News. I think so, anyway.... -
As If Free Healthcare Was Not Enough, Obama Went Ahead and Achieved World Peace
Posted on April 7, 2010 | No CommentsTicker tape, confetti and balloons irrevocably damaged the environment today as celebratory parades were held around to the world to honor U.S. President and baseball enthusiast Barack Obama. Mr. Obama has succeeded where all other non-deities have failed. He has achieved World Peace. Perhaps the only thing... -
Phil Hare Clarifies Remarks on Constitution
Posted on April 3, 2010 | 1 CommentAfter days of being unfairly battered and maligned about comments he was tricked into saying by racist Tea Party terrorists, Rep. Phil Hare* of Illinois has gone on the offensive, lashing out at his detractors and putting his words back into context. Fast Tube by... -
Barack Obama Conquers America in Quest for OIL!
Posted on March 31, 2010 | 1 CommentCapping off his year long campaign against the United States of America, our great leader has finally seized his prize: America’s vast, untapped oil deposits. As most of his followers rejoice, there remain pockets of resistance. These fringe groups are undeniably made up largely of racists and homophobes.... -
DNC Spends Thousands on Baseball Bats, Slow Cars, Gasoline
Posted on March 30, 2010 | No CommentsMuch ado has been made over the RNC and Michael Steele spending thousands on limos, jets and strip clubs. But little has been said about the DNC’s expenditures. In an ongoing effort to provide grossly unfair and chemically imbalanced coverage, Knifework.net decided to look at the other side’s... -
Vice President Biden in Big F*#%@ing Car Wreck
Posted on March 25, 2010 | 1 CommentVice President and sometimes pretend Sheriff Joe Biden’s motorcade was involved in yet another accident today, bringing the total number of accidents his motorcade has been in to somewhere around 23. 14 people sustained various injuries, though their names were not released as they are liberals...
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