Sources tell Knifework News that President Obama was physically present in the room when he and administration staff watched the SEAL team perform the assault on the compound holding Osama Bin Laden. Staff minimized the risk to the nation having Obama present, saying he was often located in a particular place at a certain...
With increased price pressure, bakeries in Illinois have begun shipping lighter and lighter loaves. Some have altered their procedures for slicing loaves of bread, even eliminating the expensive and hazardous slicing procedure altogether. “The size of loaves has become too small to slice,” said Hugh G. Grist, production manager at Mercury Food Products, a...
Oslo (KW) – The Nobel Prize Committee of Five has announced that it is requesting the return of the Peace Prize it awarded US President Barack Obama in 2009. The committee made the rare decision based on what it called “atrocious and grievous violations” involved in tournament selections. “We just thought it showed a...
U.S. Senator from Connecticut Dick Blumenthal has been found to be correct in citing an item of his work history. It turns out that Blumenthal actually is a member of the Senate, as he has been telling reporters since being sworn in last month. Blumenthal has long been rumored to have been accurate on...
Engineers working at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) have developed specialized implants to allow spiritual communication for those engaged in jihad against the United States and the West. Sources close to the agency indicate the implants could finally allow us to get inside the heads of enemy forces on the battlefield, helping...
In response to public interest in the TSA’s latest screening procedures, the Obama Administration has announced that henceforth all adults aged 3 to 31 will spend a year in a new National Service Corps. The announcement came at a joint press conference which featured an “all hands on deck” segment led by President Barack...
In what is seen as a compromise with hard-line Republicans in Congress, the EPA has backed away from its plans to regulate all forms of matter. While still holding true to Obama Administration policy of regulating everything in existence, the agency will promulgate regulations on only certain forms of everything. “Due to Congressional oversight,...
Democrats are planning to give First Lady Michelle “Antoinette” Obama a plus-sized role in the fall campaign season. After sitting in on a European vacation seminar in Spain, First Lady Michelle “Antoinette” Obama will return to America to lead by example in the vital area of GOTV – Gorging On The Vacation. The Obamas...
Organeaters For America, the undead outreach effort of the Obama regime, has begun tagging its herd for the November elections. “With the loss of the independent vote, we will need lots of fresh blood,” said OFA spokesperson Andy Dote, referring to the frantic rush of independent voters away from Democrats. “That can only come...
It is with great pride in the efforts of the Obama Administration to right-size American sovereignty that we at Knifework forward to you our translation of the following memorandum: Statement by the Embassy of Mexico Washington D.C, May 25th, 2010 Regarding the Administration’s decision to send 1,200 National Guard servicemen to the US Southern...
I heard on teh Interwebz that the Census Bureau had sent out letters telling citizens that the Census Bureau would be sending them Census forms. I got no letter. Do I really need to explain how this made me feel? The hurt, the embarrassment, the humiliation of not getting a letter? It was awful....
Cable news networks, struggling to keep up in the ratings race, will ask the FCC to investigate charges of bias in their news programming, knifework.net has learned. Cable stalwarts CNN and MSNBC made the joint announcement on Thursday, shortly after the daily White House strategy conference call. A flurry of press releases indicated that the networks...
In the wake of the recent Health Care Summit, Critics of the Obama Administration are conceding grudging admiration for Vice President Joseph Biden in his handling of his nearly insurmountable workload. “He’s making it look easy,” said a former senior member of John McCain’s campaign staff. “Sarah Palin would have made blunders, maybe even...
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