Bakeries to Change Slice Procedures

With increased price pressure, bakeries in Illinois have begun shipping lighter and lighter loaves. Some have altered their procedures for slicing loaves of bread, even eliminating the expensive and hazardous slicing procedure altogether.

“The size of loaves has become too small to slice,” said Hugh G. Grist, production manager at Mercury Food Products, a bakery and compact fluorescent light bulb factory in Samsonite, Illinois. “It’s a safety issue, really.”

Several new loaves arranged in a pretty way on a plate

The move toward smaller and smaller product sizes has followed a trend seen across multiple industries.  A gallon of milk sold at many convenience stores still sells for the same price it did before the massive spending increases and inflationary policies of the Obama administration, but that gallon may or may not contain any actual dairy products.

The unsliced bread startles some consumers, who seem not to understand how to use the product.  “How do I know what side to butter when there’s no side?” asked one disgruntled housewife.  “It’s all crust,” complained another, showing her bandaged fingers. “I’ve lost two nails and part of my pinkie trying to get to the actual bread.”

Fortunately, consumers have an ally in Washington.  Michelle Obama has undertaken a new effort to educate the people, raising awareness about too much bread being eaten.  “My chunky girls used to want bread with every cut of filet Mignon or caviar pate they had at snack time.  My gut reaction was to switch them over to cake, but they’re too chubby already,” she said.

“But I hit upon the right answer, after Friday prayers. ‘Not every sandwich has to have bread’, I told them.  Now they often eat the caviar right from the tanks we installed in the West Wing.  It’s much more natural and less fattening that way.”

Consumers everywhere can surely learn from that.

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