Implant Allows Volunteers to Speak Directly With God

Engineers working at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) have developed specialized implants to allow spiritual communication for those engaged in jihad against the United States and the West.  Sources close to the agency indicate the implants could finally allow us to get inside the heads of enemy forces on the battlefield, helping to end the worldwide conflict with radical Islam more quickly than previously thought possible.

The implants are specifically designed to be injected into the forehead. When properly installed, an implant will allow any jihad-inspired terrorist to speak to God directly at any time.

As the products come in various sizes, from 4 to 13 millimeters, the appropriate implant size will be selected by a well-trained and highly skilled technician, who will also perform the injection of the device beneath the skin.

• No Anesthetic is required.
• The implant may or may not be painless.
• Side effects, like headaches, nausea, aches and pains are extremely temporary.
• Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site.
• In most cases, you won’t even notice it.

Please enjoy the security we provide for you.

Best regards,