In a shocking speech this afternoon, President Barack Obama announced that his stance on illegal immigration and the status of non-citizens in this country had reversed and “that he had no idea what he was thinking before.” According to his statement the following changes by the Federal Government take effect immediately:
- Formation of a 500,000 person strong national internal security force with a budget of some $800 billion a year. This police force will be granted unlimited power to comb through personal and business records nationwide to ascertain the legal status of every individual and ensure that they are in full compliance with their obligations as citizens of the United States.
- Construction of a 85 foot high, 10 foot thick concrete wall across the entire southern border of the United States. The initial contractor will be Modern Continental Corporation of Cambridge, MA. The vast experience they gained helping Boston’s “Big Dig” come in on time and under budget will be valuable according to Obama.
- Construction of 50 “Transition Camps” across the United States. Initial reports are that most of these camps will be based in the Midwest and the state of Arizona. The camps will be able to hold up to 100 million individuals for an extended period of time and are strategically located so that detainees will be able to volunteer on nearby “shovel ready” public projects.
- Appointment of Wolfgang Schwanitz as the new “Verification of Citizenship Czar”.
While initially confused by the about-face, pundits quickly saw the logic behind Obama’s change of heart. MSNBC’s Dave Weigel was quick to point out that Obama has stolen the issue of immigration from conservatives and traded the iffy votes of illegal aliens for the most reliable of liberal voters: easily directed and controlled government workers.
Knifework.net promises to keep you informed and updated on all new developments with this breaking story, just as soon as we make sure we have a current copy of our birth certificate nearby.
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