Progressive rule has been, by all White House accounts, a resounding success. Despite this, Democrats are bracing for a very unforgiving election this November.
How can this be, many in the party are asking themselves. The answer is simple. They just can not shake the stigma that the left is made up predominantly of rapists.
You can't tell me these guys aren't rapists.
But is this, as many Democrats protest, nothing but an evil smear unfairly attached to them by the owner of this website? Absolutely not. This falls under the category of Baseless Attacks. When one consults the Rulebook, they find that these are deemed to be completely acceptable.
As such, I am under no obligation to prove the undeniable truth that the vast majority of Democrats harbor rapist tendencies, but I will present some hard evidence anyway. And I challenge, no defy, anyone who disagrees to prove that Democrats are not past, present or perhaps future rapists.
An exhaustive study conducted by Rape Relations in America, a not-for-profit research center that I made up five minutes ago for the express purpose of backing up my accusation, concluded that 99.9% of Democrats have never apologized for being a rapist.
This in itself is very disturbing.
Furthermore, as I revealed in a public statement last night, attendees of a Coffee Party rally groped me as I walked through the crowd. Several times they called me a “cracker” and a “grade-A piece of meat.” Even though there were dozens of TV news cameras in the immediate vicinity, there is unfortunately no video evidence of this event. However, this guy irrefutably substantiates my claim:
Beyond my own personal experiences, any rational human being will tell you that just speaking with a registered Democrat will convince you that they are probably a rapist at heart. Their tones and patterns of speech reveal a darkness that simply can not be denied. Listen as they contemptuously rant about Sarah Palin. Why? Because they disagree with her political ideology? Preposterous! The only logical conclusion is that they disparage and objectify her for being a woman, the hallmark of any true rapist.
But does this rapism go beyond the party faithful, all the way up into the highest levels of Democratic leadership? I submit that it very well could. And therefore does.
Recently, the longest serving member of Congress passed away. Senator Robert Byrd was a former and repentant racist (not rapist, but who knows?). Who could say whether or not the longest currently-serving Congressman, John Dingell, Jr., has ever raped or is capable of rape? In fact, I would say that every sitting Democratic politician is at the very least capable of rape. Except for maybe the frail and spindly Henry Waxman.
As Scott Johnson, self-professed expert on pretty much everything tells me, “To my knowledge, no Democrat has ever condemned the rapes we all know they have committed.”
Investigating this claim, I called my Senator’s office at 2:25 pm. I asked to speak with Kay Hagan (D-NC) and was told she was not in the office. I then related to the staffer the contents of this story and asked if Senator Hagan was prepared to officially denounce, repudiate and condemn the rampant rapism within the Democratic party. I was immediately hung up on.
Make of that what you will.
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I am a pillar of my community, a defender of justice and a role model for small children. 
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