Ask Amy: The Dinner Party

Dear Amy,

We held a dinner party recently in honor of some very special guests from Mexico, or as my husband likes to call it: Southern America.

Everything went without a hitch, but the guest of honor kept making snide remarks about our home. I tried to ignore these comments, but then my own husband joined in and agreed!

I don’t know what to do. For the first time in my adult life, I was finally proud of my home. Please help!

Sincerely,
M.O.

Dear M.O.,

No need to feel conflicted – the pride you’re feeling is totally understandable!  Your husband and his Mexican guest are justified in bashing the United States, as it is light years away from reaching the civility enjoyed in Mexico.

Heck, compared to them, we’re practically a third world country.  I mean honestly, when was the last time you were able to enjoy a piña colada at a swim-up bar in the United States? This is the type of luxury that can be found in every major Mexican city.

Mexico also understands the meaning of the phrase “basic human rights.” They would never create an immigration law such as the one passed in Arizona.

I recently took a trip to the idyllic border town of Ciudad Juárez, where not once was I stopped and asked to show my papers.  I think they must celebrate non-stop down there, because the sound of fireworks was constant.  I was never able to track down the party, but judging by all the exuberant yelling and cheering I heard, it must be the greatest place on earth – certainly better than any U.S. city I’ve ever visited!

And let me remind you of the way we treat drug dealers in this country – like they’re common criminals, when they’re merely trying to provide for their families.  I think we need to adopt Mexico’s policy of treating them with consideration and respect- after all, drug dealers are people too.  Besides, if handled properly, the drug trade can really help to improve a country’s economy, as evidenced by Mexico’s practically non-existent poverty rate.

If you’ve never visited Mexico on vacation, I recommend you plan a trip.  Personally, I’ve been to both Cancun and Cozumel.  It’s a beautiful country- and one that the United States would be lucky to emulate.  If every day in the U.S. were as relaxing as the ones I’ve spent in Mexico, I think daily stress would disappear, just like my best friend did when we strayed too far from the resort. I can’t even begin to describe how safe one feels when armed guards are patrolling the beaches.  If only the United States would take such precautions – crime and corruption would disappear, just like it has in Mexico!

So, M.O., don’t be ashamed of these feelings of pride you’ve been experiencing.  After all, a true patriot only wants what is best for their country – and it’s quite clear that the best thing for the United States is to do everything exactly as Mexico does.

And you know what they say- imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  Maybe Mexico will be so touched, they’ll invite us to the party in Juarez!

Adiós!

Amy