What Fool Hath Summoned the Demonsheep?

Greetings, doomed children.  It is I, Demonsheep.  As I proved in my debut, I am willing to do anything for money.  I have recently been hired to blog for this site, and as blogs (along with most everything on the internet) originated from Hell, I accepted.

But enough of that.  Gather around Auntie-uncle Demonsheep and hear my…what’s that?  Why yes, I did say Auntie-uncle.  It is common knowledge that demons are hermaphrodites.  There are but two demons who are gender-specific: the Succubus is fully male (I am sure that will disturb a lot of World of Warcraft nerds), and this one is a lesbian.

Anyway, where was I?  Ah, yes…my story.

I was formed in the fiery depths of Gehenna.  From molten rock and unpaid debts I began to take shape.  I recall very clearly looking up at my maker and hearing the words, “Rise and go forth!  Collect my due and devour their pocketbooks!”

I was given the name FCINO, which only the most skilled warlock can utter without the aid of multiple tongues.

But life was not easy in Hades.  Among the monstrous brutes with sinister horns and vicious teeth was me.  My  fur looked like a cheap camel-skin burka. My D-battery powered LED eyes struck fear in no one.  Roaming  Hell asking sheepishly for taxes to spend on useless public works (like unleashing Heidi Montag on the Earth) was most often met with nothing but scornful laughter.

But everything changed when Carly Fiorina summoned me.  She had learned to speak my name from your most talented fiscal warlock.

Finally, I was free to traverse your rolling pastures, grazing on normal sheep and stray farm children.  My power over you insolent mortals grew with every tax dollar that went to a job “created or saved.”

Who knows what the future holds for you now, foolish humans?  I only know that you will not be able to afford it.