Democrats Are About More Than Jobs

Congressional Democrats have offered up a new Jobs Bill that they say could save up to 30 jobs in the House and 10 in the Senate.

“But let me be clear, this is not just about saving jobs in Congress”, said one source who declined to provide proof of citizenship. “This is also about spending billions of dollars. It’s important to remember that even though saving these 40 jobs is vital to our economy, spending the money is essential to morale here in Washington.”

The bill has garnered bipartisan support, as lawmakers approach the trough from both sides. “There is money to be spent here, and we’re not going to let the Democrats spend it all,” said one Republican Senator. “We want to spend some, too, because we think we can do a better job.”

But not everyone in Washington is happy with the measure. The Blue Dog Democrat caucus, led by Nancy Pelosi, appeared visibly shaken by the small size of the measure. “This is less than $100 billion, and that is just not enough money being spent.” Pelosi vowed to add “at least some money” to help the Air Force in its vital mission of ferrying her children and grandchildren across flyover country. “We’re just trying to help families,” said the Speaker. “American families. These are real people we’re helping, with children, parents. Almost all of the people we help have relatives in their families.”

The bill also contains funding for an extension of unemployment benefits. The measure is considered essential in keeping people from looking for jobs, which would raise unemployment figures. “It’s important to keep that rate below 10%,” said Senator Blanche Lincoln of Arkansas, “Because 10% is bigger than 9.9%.”